The Embassy of Hell is proud to offer the following services to its living and undead clientele:
- Confirmation of afterlife status for the recently passed.
- Appeals process for afterlife status. You may present evidence of the deceased’s goodness, while our own Devil’s Advocate will do the opposite. You will not win your appeal, but we guarantee you’ll be surprised.
- Every Thursday night from 0:00 to 3:00, mourners are invited to view the torments of their dead loved ones in the eternal flames. Excellent for frightening children or correcting wayward friends/relations.
- Satanists and thrill-seekers will want to take advantage of our free tours of the Infernal Realms. Please note that there is no provision for return travel.
- For believers in the Prosperity Gospel (our own alternative Christianity), the Embassy has partnered with The First Church of Simon Magus to help you attain your heart’s desire without the bother of working for it. Go ahead. What have you got to lose?
And of course we are always open to those who wish for “material abundance at an immaterial price”. Come on in and let’s make a deal!
